Cat’s Blog

I’m so Emo now…

I wanna giv up on everything, every little thing… can i? I need to shout out loud, i need to silent myself, i need a corner to hide, i need to pretend i’m fine, i need to laugh so that no one knows i hide my tears, i’m tired of pretending… I’m fine… I’m fine… And i will be fine…

So stress out… Theres alot of thing to be done, theres so much pressure to face… I dont want to suffer all this thing… I dont want to be so dumb anymore… Am i dumb? I want to clear my mind when i wish i couldn’t… I m no wher to belong…

Happiness are fake… Theres only the pain that left behind is real… Theres no starting point in between, so there is no ending… just left it there… I will heal them on my own? I guess…

Jobs are too many… Too many to be done… their ending point are so far… I cant do it… I cant! I cant! but… It had to be done… I want to run away from this place, so that stress and pressure cant find me… Wher is my happiness and freedom… I miss u guys…

Why she act in such ways… The worse thing is that i can do nothing… I hope god can give me a clue… Once spoken its unreversable? Can it dont be like this? Its too hard for me… Its killing~

Why dont i kill myself? I’m too emo right now… Kill myself wont solve anything… Can i format my mind? I dont want to remeber those stuff anymore… I wish i could turn back the time to 0…

Goodnitess…

JUst another Emo post… after see them, just forgot everything… Cos an Emo person might just say anything that dont make sense… So dont believe… Can u ?

Today i went Permai with the Student council organized trip… Its a great trip… Its been reli fun… And we are suplied with sufficient food and drinks… The success of this trip have to thank to our pretty organizer Elsie and Penny and of course it also wont be that successful without the great commitee… The games are great, the teamwork are great, and i feel grateful for it… Hahahx… Even the trip is fun, but its totally tiring and i m exhausted for sure with my insufficient stamina… Hahahx… I was totally burn out after i back home and set to sleep after my polishing bath till 11.45pm… Wow… Song*

Today we all have to reach school b4 8.30am, but then evey1 was kinda late, bt the most serious thing is the bus was seriously late, around 8.50am… I was dragging myself to wole up this morning because i m really so so so tired to wake up frm my comfy bed… But no choice, i have to wake up and go… I reach school around 8.25am (I’m Not Late! Yeah!). THen we depart frm school around 9am…

Reach permai i think around 10am cos i din reali notice the time … after that, we wait at the entrance of permai. There are things happening but i just hope that every1’s mood will not be affected by the arguments… Well, there will owas be argument happening around during trip… Just hope tat every1 have a “wide heart” to accept them and let it digest away after a nice and comfy sleep… After settling the ticket stuff, we went in and settle ourself at a big pondok and start playing “minigames”… we divide our people into 5 group exclude the commitee members… So there are around 4 ppl 1 team… My team made up of (Jme, daren the leader, ah teng and jun xiong join us in the treasure hunt game) then we play the games like:

1) blindfold, and then bring u away from ur teamate then find them using the sound of ur group animal…. our team is miaw~ We get last cos my fault, i was laughing all the way and barely maiw-ing so i m hard to detect… Sorry guys….

2) take off all ur shoes, and put them far a distance from u, then ur leader will have to run all the way to take ur shoes for u… Well, we manage to win this with double champion with the red devil ( ah lai, eunice, ah guan and kate)

3) give u a theme and find 1 teamate come up base on the theme… then compete among… the theme tat we compete are (longest tounge, shortest baby finger, bigest nose hole and the last one standing with up leg lifted up) Well, we manage to won 3 category) YEs!!!

After tha game, we have to wait for our lunch to be borned by Elsie… Hahahx… While we are waiting, we went to the beach to have a bloody hell HOT walk… i was reli worry dat i might get dark cos i can hardly turn fairer if i get dark… While every1 was wandering around the beach, WeiChuin saw a Jellyfish, a real big jellyfish laying on the beach near the sea… Well, WeiChuin want to bring the jellyfish back even every1 ask him not to even touch it, but he insist… He try to pick up the big jelly fish, but it was too Jellyish dat WeiChuin broke it one time two time three times and finally he give up to pick up the skin, he tear away it’s skin and took the meat and the leggy of the jelly fish back.. i was SERIOUSLY YUCK!!! Duh~

Around 12+ we head to the entrance of permai to have our lunch becos we are not allow to bring food into permai… We had our lunch and finally i can quench my thirst with the cold can drinks sold at a mini sundry store near the reception… Wow… Nice~

Then, we head back to the pondok and we were given instruction on how the tresure hunt function… We have to shout ” Miao miao we are the best! Miao Miao we are the blue! Miao Miao we want Potato ( each name of the station master). We were given a paper which is the clue include 1 station picture wher we need to go, and the picture of the station master…Our treasure hunt start off and we were running arounf the whole permai like crazy people~ but still…. FUN!!! Woohoo~ Our station games goes like this:

station1) Penny. Jungle pool. We have to get into the pool and make a mask of our team animal… along ur making process, u have to shake ur body~ Woohoo~ Make 5 mask in the pool, kinda cool man!

station2) Kevin. 2nd BEach. We have to climb tru the Hot sandy beach like the soldier do… ofcourse for a short distance nia or else i m going to be cooked potato on the cooking sand… After tat, we have to get the wet sand from the sea and made a sand castle…

station3) Jenifer. Under the treehouse. We have to pick up marbles from the pail FULL OF ICE!!! and walk a distance to place the picked marbles… Its not just pick up the marbles, u have to pick it up using ur FEET!!! and… u have to pick up 10!!! at 1st i was like WHAT THE F***! But we still have to do it… its a good way to cramp ur Feet~

station4) Potato. 2nd beach. This one i have to complain about… This is what the hell… The picture taken was just show tat its a beach… So? We tot it was the 1st beach, so we went all the way down to the 1st beach… Guess what? It was not!!! What the hell, do u know how far it is from the 1st beach to the 2nd wan? i was like almost give up for dat… but for the sack of teamwork… I have to bare with it… Ok, we took it like ages to find the place and it took me ages to get down the beach… The games goes like this. We have to hold our hand together, and pass tru the hoola hoop and then blow the ballon without using ur hands.. Does it make sense??? Haha… I dont think i can make it, u cant try this at home, tell me if u can make it… Hahahx.

station5) Leechin. camping area. Well, this game is handle the toothpick at ur mouth, and pass on the rubber band from 1 to another… If you are close enough u might leads to kissing ur teamate… Great isnt it? Hahax… and it was so hard… cos u need to have the skill… Once u drop 1 rubber band, the lipstick dat manager hold will be drawing freely on ur face… Duh~ Hahahx…

Final station) EkHan. In the end. Hahax… We have to tie the guy’s hair… Girls tie guy’s hair… Well… we manege to turn our guy’s teamate into pretty boy. (oh my~ pretty pretty boy~) 10 rubber band per guy~ So nice~

Finally, we walk to back to the pondok, and we are the last 1…and still the best in my heart… HAhax… Who is the real champion for the tresure hunt? the Red Devil!!! *clap hands*

After the games the time strike 3pm…  its free time… So every1 went to beaches, jungle pool to have some fun… I only went to the jungle pool cos i scare that i might turn into indian if i stay at the beach… HolY! hahahx…  It was great as the pool water are really icy cold… Heard from them tat the jellyfish are back… Kevin got stung by it… Hopefully its nt serious… Of course this happen at the beach, not the pool… Hahhax… We chit chat in the pool… Fun time past real fast… So around 4+ we went back to get ourself cleaned… The time strike 5pm, we went to the entrance area to distribute our prizes… We got 6 containers and it was still happy~ Yeah! Hahahx…

We head back to school by around 5.20 and arrived school around 6.10pm… All along the way, we show our ability as the noisy ones at the back of the bus… We play song guessing games, and sing along, and it was still fun while others are sleeping and hope to have a silent situation but we dont make their dream comes true… And i apologize for my noisy-ness… hehex… The trip ends here…

Goodnight~

Well well, i’ve been lazy recently again, dats y every1 clicking my blog and see the same thing all the time… Sorry for my lazy-ness… Theres alot of thing happen actually just that i reli lazy to update my blog… and i also lazy to type it as 1 go… My brather, Sarah come back to kuching on her sem break which is 3 week ago and went back to kl 1 week ago.. For the detail of wad had happen during her sem break here, u guys can visit her blog which is “iambananpisang.blogspot”. Funny to admit herself as banana. Hahahax…

Today is holiday, 2nd of june… Happy GAwai tho… Quite a relaxing day i have, doing nothing here, blogging, but actually i have tons of thing nid to settle there, exams, tutorials, projects, proposal… WHAT THE… I also dont know y i m so lazy… How i wish i cud be a hardworking person and finish eveythin on time, and nice and steady… Haixx….

Everyhting is so complicated in my life right now… I met alot of new faces recently, and heard alot of things from people, and see alot of thing that i dont want to see, hear alot of thing i dont want to hear, but as i say, i shud accept it cos i must… Theres reli alot of thing happen but i cant make any comment or say anything here… Sometimes, i m reli broken, i m not as fine as it seems from the outside, broken into pieces but i have to pick up the pieces on my own, and mend it back so dat it can be broken once again… But there is one thing that i must remember :Why i can be so moody because of 1 person, why i cant be happy because of all the people who want me to be happy?  Thats the theory that may apply to all those moody people in this world… So remember my words yea… So because of this, i may be unhappy or emo sometimes, but i would try my best to receover as soon as possible due to this theory… Funny isit?

Today is 1 of my secondary gang’s bday… Happy Birthday Kimling! Tonite we gonna celebrate for her at Richmond… Hope richmond is open tonight~

I think i have nothing else to talk about liao… I’ll update if i have somthing to talk about yea… Jalan~ ^^

Finally i understand… I will try my best… I will not be so stubborn to stay over any more… I will try to release my hand and be a happy person as who i am…

My stubborn-ness had brings alot of stress and problems to ya.. But finally i understand its not the matter of how hard u try and how close you are, even you are 0.01cm close, but the heart doesnt belongs to u, it makes no different…

Patient and time dont make a different to me, it only make the different to the distance between… And the distance between is not you and me… We stay the same… Friends Forever~ Maybe this is the way it shud be… I dont know… But,  its the best way now… Since there is no difference between lovers and friends to u, so…

Seriously numb to it already… I will open my eyes and open my ears again… Cos i shud accept everything, not run away from it… I really understand already…

Yea, as u already seen my title, practice dont make perfect… Its true, it had already apply to me a few times… I think…

Tonight is my school’s installation night, everything turn out to be like…. Argh~ for my part… But for other people’s part is really ok and great… The 2 songs i performed actually i’ve been practicing few times, but it still turn out to be like… I’ve been making the same mistakes all the time… and then… Argh~ I reli cant believe i’ve made the mistake over and over again… I shudnt have… And i reli think that i dont have the talent to become a good mc, maybe the “li li la la” wan can, but… for this formal situation and it was realy stressful and… Haizz…. Well… As i told my brather not to cried over spilled milk, so i have to apply it to my own life too… This  is my 1st time for being a mc, and… I’d experience it, i feel it… I shudnt have give it a try because i think i ruin the whole thing, “thanks” to my wrong announcement all the time…

Besides that, another thing i wanna mention, my singing sucks!!!! I… I…cant really think of it, i dont even dare to think about it again… I miss out the part and its been the same mistakes happen in my lots and lots of time of practice… And then i was actually very nervous for the singing part as well… I “pew” a few times and i…. really cant accept the mistake i made…

I shud never agree or say “ok” if i dint have the more than 80% confident… I m sorry for all the mistakes i’ve made,sorry…. Sorry to Miss Daphne, Sorry to Eunice, Sorry to Ah Lai , sorry for all the student councils, maybe it doesnt seem serious mistakes to u guys but its serious to me… Pls accept my apologise…

Thank you, u guys did a good job, and it ends up well… U guys got alot to go, u guys sure can do better than da previous badge… Kampateh!!!

Goodnight~ the detail of the process of installation night will be update in the next post…

I m so damn angry now…. Cant explain why…. I m just so damn Angry!!!! WHo the hell~ and what the hell~!!! WHY!!!!

NO one to blame, is me “huo gai”… Celaka…

Is me 38… If the “you” are in front of me now, i tell u, only 2 way :

1) i sure quarrel with u tiam tiam!!!

2) Big possibility i will hold ur cloth up i tell u!!!!

U got me angry at the wrong time! But forever u will not know i am angrying! Cos i dont even want to know who are you!

*PUI PUI PUI* ~ Inspire by Ah Miaw!

BYEBYE!!!

Oh ya, exactly today is school reopen~ Many new faces around, and i finally found out i m old liao… consider as a senior liao… Still remember the 1st day i went to UCSI, it was still fresh in my mind… This environment is so strange for me, and untill now i m already consider senior and i had already been with this school for 1 year… Time just past like a flash of light…

Today is the 1st day that UCSI is actually crowded with students everywher… Well, really the 1st time… We this 38 seniors talk bout the juniors, here and there, pretty or not? hand some or not? this look good bo? that look good bo? Oh ya, so i realise this is how last time our seniors look at us.. Funny… Hahahx… OOya, and today finally we get to see our last sem’s final result… Well, i m totally not nervous, and totally feel nothing, maybe its becos 4th sem liao.. Get use liao… Well, i get straight B’s. So is it a good sign? Haizzz…. Drop lor…. Last time still got at least 1 A’s or more, but now? Cham ar… Need to work hard liao… But owas say ladat also cant do it… Not determine enough i think…

OOhya, and today i skipp my breakfast and i was thinking to eat my breakfast at 9+ but then we were all bz with the timetable of our course then till 10.30 then i can eat my brunch (breakfast + lunch). I was so desperate to eat the Hui Sing’s porridge, so finally my wish come true and finally me this starving person get to cure my kolian stomach… After eaten, ah~~~ feel so much better.. then went back to school… Around 12+, went Tabuan to eat again becos Karen just arrive school and wan to have her lunch… The weather was really killing us, so hot man! We actually cheated on her that we want to go LUndu in the afternoon, and amazingly our acting gets better each day, so finally she believe us again… Then at last we told her that it was actually a joke then she actually throw shoe to us… Haha! So funny… Throw shoe eh~ Yan Zhong~~~

Selepas itu, kami… eh eh eh, y got malay word har? paiseh… Ah… Then me and Ah lai start to choose wad song we are going to sing on the installation night…At last we start practice on “wu ding” (rooftop in eng)… Hahax… Hope u guys understand wad i trying to mention… He was very pressure.. And at 1st he refuse to sing, but then at last he pull out his courage and sing it out… He really is a hardworking boy, becos his spirit that never lose and neverstop trying really let me see a brighter side of wad a person can do… For example, at 1st, he cant really play ping pong well, but due to his hardwork to train his ping pong, and the well known “kiasu” spirit of UCSI students, he now actually become quite pro in ping pong… HE is a quick learner… So get back to my story, wad i trying to mention is that he willing to try his best to learn a song that actually consider tough for guys… He listen alot of times, he try to sing it, he even stay back to practice with me… I really appreciate the spirit u have… Kampateh! Theres alot more i can learn from u … We stay back untill 6pm and i went home to hunt for food… I start starving since 3+pm, then till 4+ my stomach actually start shouting, but i pretend i din heard it, then till 5+ my stomach start to “cubit” me already… I was like WHAT THE???!!! Okay, nevermind, then i think my stomach already fed up reminding me that it need food when the time is 6+…

When i get back the 1st thing i do is throw bag, throw labtop, and go to the kitchen :” Mi ar~! CAn eat already~? Hungry to death lor~!” Hahax… Thats wad usually students do when reach home right? MAybe oni me nia la.. Paiseh~ Hehe… Then my mum say almost, but i start eating liao, plain rice also can… U can see how hungry i m… Aduh… Luckily i m not cannibal~ Yah Ah Bi~~ If not har, i think Ah lai will be in trouble~ Will be eaten… *Yummy*. hahax!

Late night liao~ I think i m going to sleep soon.. The time now is 12.20am~ I was ealier tonite becos last nite i had insomnia and i only manage to sleep 3hours+… Well, thats life… So….

GOodanitesss~~~

For the Catherine that you guys know is some1 very patient, some1 that have a very good-tempered, some1 that actually do watever she can if somebody ask  her to, but i guess now she had gone…

Recently i found out that i really change to a bad person… I lost my patient, i owas feel like killing people, slamming on doors, throwing on things, quarrel with some1, i cant even wait for the traffic lights to turn green! I was so pissed off when the traffic lights turn red when it was almost my turn to pass the stupidtraffic light… I was going crazy when the car infront was driving 60km/hr… Oh my god… I guess i was a lil crazy… Besides that, i even got angry with the person i like and i was never the way i m… I’m sorry i mean… I just angry on myself… I got angry when some1 ask me to do the things that i refuse to do, i do… But at last i still do it for wad reason i also cant explain… My mood was really bad recently, and it was for the reason thats stupid… Stupid i guess…

I want to apologize here if u are the victims that kena by my bad mood.. Really sorry yea…

Maybe i really lost myself already, maybe its a good thing, and maybe they are not, becos i always “eat” by people, and hopefully this can reduce the risk of “eaten” by people. It will be not good, becos i will no longer be the “Miss Good” anymore…

Tata~ Goodnitess…

This is my tearful post.. Inspired by Chang~

Hate when tears drop, hate when the feeling comes, hate when u cant control what u dont want it to happen… Hate to say i’m fine, hate to say i will be, hate to say everything will be ok, hate to be silent, hate myself, hate that i were there, hate that i dont listen, hate that i do it, hate evrything, hate to say anything, hate hate hate…

Ok, finish complaining… I will still saying those words and doing all that even i just said i hate it… Just after complain and forgot bout everything… My style~

just wish u will be fine~ so cheers~ kk? A best friend like me is no where to find, anything happen, i will be by ur side doing what i can do, share all your tears and problem with , thats what friends are for~ I’m a lil self obess but anyway, u noe its true rite? Hahax!

End Post~